Gratitude

Henry Miller said, “If there is to be any peace, it will come through being, not having.”

As a practiced spiritual psychotherapist I have had the opportunity to witness what so many people would be really grateful for. In fact, one of the questions I ask of my clients in the very first session with me is, “If you had miraculous powers to change your family and your experiences what would they be?” Inevitably, despite the fact that quite a few of my clients were raised in economically poor to middle class households, they never talk about the things they wished they had. They talk about respect, support and encouragement, to name a few. And as I work with them to unravel the layers of hurt that have piled up through the years, their deepest desire comes down to one thing – the desire for being loved for who they are. I’m certain some of you had the experience for being loved as children for getting good grades, for excelling at sports, for your accomplishments, for cleaning your room, for taking care of your brothers and sisters, or for doing that which pleased others.

I read somewhere that the Senecas, one of the largest of the Iroquois nations, have a practice that I think is on of the most nurturing. Each morning and each night they greet their children with the phrase “thank you for being”. When I came upon this I saw the tremendous impact this would have on the well-being of the human race. Rather than being appreciated for what we do, we are appreciated for who we are, quirks and all, no matter what. Unconditional love.

So what does this have to do with practicing gratitude?

Well, when speaking of gratitude, I often hear others, including myself, focus on what it is we are able to do – I can write an article, I can dance, I can negotiate, and I can cook. Similarly we are often grateful for what we have. For example, we talk of being grateful for the money we made, the house we enjoy, the car we drive, the job we hold.  Tonight I want to take a few minutes to focus on gratitude from the perspective of being. If you notice the expression of gratitude is “be grateful”, or “be thankful”, or “be filled with thanks”.

It’s not always easy to do so – “be thankful”. Often we don’t have the money we need, or the car needs servicing, or the kids need new clothes, or the business could be more prosperous. So this is when it becomes challenging. Our reality is that we don’t have what we need or want, and it’s easy to play victim to our circumstances.

But what’s important to realize is that what we bring into our life is as a result of who we are. The saying goes, “if you want to have abundance, be abundant”. Give freely. Not just with the things you have, but with whom you are. Step outside yourself. Open up to others and be fully present in the now, as friend, as business partner, as spouse, as parent, or as sibling. Allow yourself the vulnerability that intimacy calls upon. Share your realness. Live in the center of your life. Wake up to see the other souls around you and their splendour.  Let them touch you.  

In my studies as a spiritual director, what I’ve learned is that those who are dying, courageously experiencing the most profound and truthful moments, often call upon the very simplest from us. We are often confused and anxious about not knowing what to provide and what to do to bring them help and comfort, and often their greatest wish is simply the company of a comforting loved one – an accepting, non-judgmental, and peaceful presence. They don’t want to be fixed, they just want someone to be authentic, to listen, honour and learn.

The abundance you receive when you connect with your heart, with your essence, is enlightening – you feel lighter, you feel joyful, you raise your energy level, you experience grace, you become a source of light, and you find more for which to be grateful.

So how can we begin to appreciate the depth of this preciousness in everyday living?  Albert Einstein said, “There are 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” The most profound miracles we can choose to see are in nature. I always marvel at the intricate wisdom that lives inside every creature. Built into it’s very being beingness is the program for sustaining life, the program or survival, the mechanism for reproduction, and the ability to let go through renewal. And more marvelously, done so with an imprint of complete uniqueness to its species. And more spectacularly than that, asking nothing in return.  It was Buddha who said, “If you could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, your whole life would change.” I wonder how a flower knows exactly when to bloom?

And I say if we can take this cue from nature and see the miracle in ourselves we would be more thankful for simply being. I quote from Og Mandino’s The Greatest Miracle in the World “………Your heart is strong… thirty-six billion beats each year, year after year, asleep or awake, pumping your blood through more than sixty thousand miles of veins, arteries and tubing…Count another blessing………In time all steels will tarnish and rust but not your skin……Count another blessing…………your lungs…filter life-giving oxygen through six hundred million pockets of folded flesh while they rid your body of gaseous wastes…Count another blessing…………Your brain is the most complex structure in the universe… Within its three pounds are thirteen billion nerve cells, more than three times as many cells as there are people on your earth. To help you file away every perception, every sound, every taste, every smell, every action you have experienced since the day of your birth…Count another blessing.

So there is always plenty to be grateful for, without having to do or acquire. Honouring the creation of our own very being is the greatest gratitude we can live.

Gratitude has been scientifically proven to promote our health and reduce stress. It puts us into the moment, negating comparison and competition, instead creating a feeling of harmony and support with the universe. It speaks to us as if to say, “everything is as it should be”. It can transform our perception to a new reality. It makes more out of little. A simple bowl of soup can become a feast.  And in the face of adversity gratitude gives us trust. To paraphrase, gratitude let’s us see that sometimes even the unimaginable is the beginning of the curve of joy.

So I leave you one question from William Ward to ponder: [The universe] gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today.  Have you used one of them to say "thank you"?



Thank You for Being

A deep well of stillness
holding space
for the simplest of the divine

the soar of a hundred sparrows
the lulling hum of summer crickets
the fresh fragrance in a blade of grass

they come to me, these gifts
no effort, no request
present for appreciation

how have I asked through expectation
to receive what is more
more doing
more having
perfection

but I see I need not look around me
other than below my eyes
there are my fingertips
ready to translate touch
to familiar reassurance

and I hear silent breath
without intervention
keeping me awake to now
pulling in aroma
like comfort food to my memory

I feel it then
the rhythm of my heart
pumping every day, every hour, every second
for no reward
but hope for reverence
of this living temple

inside
there is more
not tangible
but touchable
wondrous, angered, joyful, and hurt
expanding and contracting
human and divine

and I know I longed
just once to hear
what floats to me in whisper
“you are enough
thank you for being”

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